I am not longer ashamed.
I am not ashamed of myself this time last year and it’s a first that things turn out to be this way. For many years it has been a practice for me to look back and reflect on the whimsical me whenever a new year starts. This retrospective experience has been a consistently embarrassing one due to my persistant stupidity year after year but 2012 has welcomed an exception. Thinking my still vivid memories of this time last year, I really wasn’t much sillier than I am this moment and as delightful as it may first sound, in reality it’s quite a disturbing thought. Rewording my situation, it simply means that I am not any more sagacious or sensible than I was last year. I have not changed. My growth as a human being has come to a screeching halt and that’s just bleak. Being better is now a slippery slope, renewing my appreciation of life is now harder than before. The cynic in me will stay and my chances of adopting a cheerful disposition becomes less likely as time forwards. Love and happiness will only distant themselves from me as depressing thoughts anchor their presence in me. It’s only the first day of 2012 and I feel like dying already, why can’t I be stupid like before …
PS: reading this post makes me feel stupid fuck yea!