I am tired

by chaotarroo

I have never once felt so tired in life before, just a sudden and somewhat predictable surge of lethargy crawling all over me right now. Sleep won’t help the slightest, I know, this lethargy isn’t at all physical but mental. As a matter of fact, I just woke up from an awful dream from constant paranoia about dreaming and living itself. My body doesn’t need rest but my brain needs to stop mingling with itself. But the brain isn’t like the eye, I can’t cease it’s operation by will, any forced attempt of so will only backfire and captive my thoughts into it’s grimmest corner.

This isn’t at all uncommon to me actually, it occurs from milestone to milestone in life and I happen to be standing on the imperative junction of one now. I figured it has little to do with army although I passed out from BMTC just two days ago, it’s more about the mental plane which I am constantly gliding on. As I transit from one mental phase to another there are bound to be congestion on the highway of neurons, choking my clockwork of thoughts, and I just happen to be caught in one of these many congestion. Either time will relieve the congestion or I will have to take a detour to bypass it, which is normally more precarious than the usual route.

Of course it’s irritable, but at the same time, I know from experience this is only a brief precedent to a better side of me(I don’t become a good man because I already am, but there’s just too much insecurities on my part which more times than not shows the adverse side of me). On many instances, I suspected this phenomenon is nothing more than a spasmodic volatility, but after repeated cogent reproaching, I rejected my skeptical claim time and time again. Tangibly, I do become a better person by looking at these indicators; I become more gracious, I solve self reproaches more effectively and suffer from less cognitive biases. I may or may not become happier but that doesn’t matter, I don’t believe that being happy makes one better.