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Month: June, 2010

the lens of ME

You’ve learned something important, though potentially disheartening about a certain class of people.

When Linda Hamilton was divorcing James Cameron she reported that he had said to her at one point that he frankly admitted that he wasn’t a particularly good husband or father, saying, “There are millions of guys who can be good husbands or fathers — but only a handful of men in the world who can direct one of the biggest hit movies of all time.”

Guys like this are totally focused on one thing — themselves. If you’re Jim Cameron there really is just one thing in the world. Jim Cameron.

If you’re someone who wants to be a Big Star then you see everyone and everything in the world through the lens of ME. Spouses, children, other people, causes, the orbit of the earth around the sun, the decay of radioactive materials. Everything is really just about Me.

NMS from AW forum.

It’s easy for me to relate, for I am that guy with only the lens of ME.


chalet la!

just returned from a 3days 2nights chalet.
was bored to my bones at times, but more than not, it was enjoyable.
if anything severe i have to complain about,
it would be my deprivation of good music for 2days and lack of awesome skating time.
other than so, it was fun.
well, not mad fun considering my mildly aloof relation with many others but cliche as it is,
it’s doesn’t harm to know more. right?
probably, the best part of the chalet being talking shit during wee hours and fetching macdonals at 4 in the morning.
to confess, there’s this weird attraction between me and doing things during the early early morning.
any action is 5oo% funner and more comfortable between 3am to 6am.
as ludicrous as it might sound, no joke.

a brief update on my life and some morbid habit about me.
typical of an entry and that will be all. BAI.

ps. i still miss you.

ray bradbury

“You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.
For writing allows just the proper recipes of truth, life, reality
as you are able to eat, drink, and digest without hyperventilating
and flopping like a dead fish in your bed.
I have learned, on my journeys, that if I let a day go by without
writing, I grow uneasy. Two days and I am in tremor. Three and I
suspect lunacy. Four and I might as well be a hog, suffering the
flux in a wallow. An hour’s writing is tonic. I’m on my feet,
running in circles, and yelling for a clean pair of spats.”

Ray Bradbury.

So fucking damm true.
I know the source of my emotional instability now …

oscar maroni

” broke up with god around 6 months ago.
still, sometimes i lie down and have the urge to pray,
but i won’t give an satisfaction to that asshole who fooled me for so long.
he has to show up and give me an explanation.
God will have to appear before me, on my laptop or cellphone,
or cause a black out.

let’s be honest, back in the days where he showed up giving out sardines to everyone.
he would first cure lepers then appear in parties with 12 of his friends,
consuming drug of that time, which was wine.
and instead of burgers, they would eat bread,
the whore next to him is Mary Madgelene.

shit, today he doesn’t shows up, or say anything.
so i don’t think he exist.
and what if heaven doesn’t exist?
fucking waste of time.

let’s bring down the level of this conversation.
i mean, how many fucks has the pope miss out?
don’t you agree? fuck man.”

Oscar Maroni

fuck myself

two full days of no writing or reading?
fuck myself …


sooner or later your will realise it’s not the game,
instead, the community, the people you know,
connections you make from it, showing you the ropes in life.
it’s no doubt a retarded game, making me spend thousands,
but the lessons, comfort and fun gained are beyond all monetary value.

oh and on a completely random note, here’s an awesome song by mum(moom)

12th june

yes, i am clueless to what to write as a title.

it’s 12june, a seemingly perfect day for reading and writing.
i am recovering from yesterday’s stupidity, still coming back to haunt me routinely.
once again, i acted on impulse, letting my “vain as fuck” self to ruin my day and possibly .. today.
but oh well, it’s a lesson and i should just perform my forte and MOVE ON.
sorry wrizo 😦

on one hand, i blew my job and another $300 that should be sitting comfortably in my bank in the weeks to come.
but on the other one, i gave myself good time for reading and writing.
didn’t do much yesterday was mind fucked on the err .. after all intangible.
but happy to say, i woke up today to feel feel pretty goddamm awesome.
which eventually chalked the starting point of my hours long of intensive reading.
ransacked my ebooks folder and read several dozen authors(ok maybe just half a dozen) to get a feel of their “style”.
the beauty in kazuo ishiguro discreet words and that incessant, smooth flow of jodi picoult.
i am starting to get what SK mean by “AVOID PASSIVE VOICE AT ALL COST.”
will need to adapt to that … fast!

other than that, my recent buy from kino is still left wrapped.
i really should focus on my writing than trying to contact an agent without any ounce of substance to present.
“all broken up and dancing” is the least of what i expect from a local novel.
i will need something with stronger local flavor to shift me in trance to write my latest idea.
oh and my latest project!
i have had the plot briefly highlighted and planned. but what’s missing is my confidence in trying it.
it’s something like tokyo sonata, but in the local context and alot much sadder.
i hope it works, after my first manuscript that umm, disappeared into thin air.

k, 30mins more to read/write before i am out to watch unmistaken child.


i finally regained my robotic tendencies! focusing on my writings and nothing else.
just sitting down, evaluating on life and being rationale about everything.
now, i am back to my old self. cold, judgmental, vain as fuck and knowledge hungry.
making me read read read the entire day, on every material that pushes me one step ahead as a novelist.
i must thank for my brain for being hella powerful, pulling the lever and shifting me back on track, something i pride myself on and adore.

but meh ~ it’s not something i might necessary enjoy. on the long term run, it makes life mundane and linear.
i am still eagerly waiting for my own hurricane of shit storm to knock me senseless and emo.
it would be more than fun to see myself that way, haggard and all ranting.
but first, the hurricane will have to get past my thick skull 😀

next …

i submitted my first ever manuscript. which i have to admit is pretty crappy now i look back.
my CV and target audience was nonsensical as well, but i did what i did to move on to my next novel.
i only hope that i don’t get blacklisted from local publishing firms -__-
cereal …

spent the entire day generating on ideas and elaborated on a potential one. pretty proud.
took hours to scan through SK’s “On Writing”, William Strunk Jr’s “The Elements on Style” and Lukcas Georg “The Theory of Novel” to refine my overall writing.
digested other shorter papers and notes as well, thank god for free ebooks.
i must say the day was pretty productive.

i will be starting on my next manuscript as soon as i finish all essential reading materials on hand.
also, the precise planning of my full length novel. i aim for it to be around 85k words, no less.
really, i am starting to get excited about my life.


4chapters 34pages, converted into .pdf file.

chapter 1 needs some revising.
chapter 2 can’t be written anymore awesome-ly.
chapter 3 has got weird dialogues.
chapter 4 was abrupt not because i am lazy, but because i enjoy it that way.

will be clearing whatever that’s needed to be and be sending in my CV + proposal + manuscript tomorrow afternoon.

i don’t need positive feedbacks but i will love it anyone can read it to boost my ego 😀
so yep, if you see me online, ask me to send the file to you!

Needs some recognition.

they cereally do.

PS: bought two more CDs yesterday. though i have no use or need for them, makes me happy.