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Month: May, 2010

idiot

i speak from experience, and with arrogance, that intelligence is no insurance to save laziness.
still, despite conscious of so, vanity cages the sloth in me dragging me to failure and beyond.
i am such an idiot. you know?

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get away …

study boot camp for the past 3 days!
k not really, wrizo was the one that’s studying, not me.
i am semi guilt trip now for being a failure(academically at least) and complete sloth.
currently shivering in excitement to see eric’s epic “orh ok, nvr do ah next” face.
reverse psychology or simply indifferent towards the bochup?
either option, it’s good strategy to propel students to do their work.

other than school, the get away was somewhat helpful in sparking some inspiration in me, moving the boulder off my writer’s(if i consider myself to be) block.
read totto-chan(for the umm 45th time or something) and how to kill a mocking bird briefly to reposition and evaluate my manuscript.
walking 2.25 hrs from sembawang to khatib was hella useful too. (y)
i have more interesting titles to work on, but before any writing, my language needs to be reborn-ed and I will have to keep a close eye on my paragraphing, dialogues and long sentences like this one.
my writing fundamentals is shit. i know.

and plucking a random topic from thin air, my state of wealth.
my bank savings is finally back to 4digits! i am fucking proud and secured.
will be restraining my spending till the first of the four digits starts with a 2.
oh, and by the end of my poly days, i plan to extend another digit to my savings.

finally, i am getting nauseous from seeing someone’s face for the past 48hrs or something hmmm …

ps: no school noooooo ~
pss: k not really. best $40 spent ever 😀

:(

there’s no depth to my stories,
my language is pretentious,
i write only to oppress my vanity.

COMPLEXES OVERLOAD.

ps: fuck man.

shi hao is sad …

DISCLAIMER: just ranting. do ignore.

it’s getting on my nerves!
to know that 80% of local publishing companies emphasize only on reference books and children stories!
this nation is filled with paranoid mothers no doubt, and it’s definitely a lucrative business plan for so but wtfack!
what about all the arty farty promotion on culture talk!
really damm depressing manzxzxz, companies that specializes in publishing literary novels or even adult fiction, WHERE AE JOOOOO ~

i am done with the first chapter of my manuscript! that’s halfway the mark … maybe a fifth …
have been proof reading it again and again and again and again but well, something is still amiss …
ignoring the grammatical blunders, there’s still alot to do, more so after ge kianging and downloading manuscripts from other first time novel writers …
mine is just like fugging noob and beyond after reading those. especially my queer choice of verbs and my stale descriptive writing. fruck …
i really don’t know what to do other than reading and “mimicking” others style, it’s frustrating, to not know or see a clear cut solution to my problem -__-
but at the same time, lying to myself, it’s where the fun comes from writing isn’t it? probably lol

other than that, i have yet to get my synopsis done up.
and that is a huge obstacle itself. it would only mean more researching and rechecking.
being concise, something which i am not really good at from experience. i suspect there’s a need to get back to my language’s fundamentals … don’t want to even think about that.
and ya, to fabricate a target audience for my completely unappealing story … that’s another hurdle …

i will need to go nlb someday, to learn more about writing, publishing and this entire business.
hours of research had made me unwilling to admit that online resources are barely enough.
and oh, my mum just scolded me for buyer a voice recorder. fruck shiet …

oh well, but i feel more like i am living “write” now.
at least there’s something to do. to put my best foot forward in this industry.
i will be looking forward to my first manuscript rejection, hopefully before july.
one week of holiday would be fucking gold in this busy period. please come soon …

james blake

what the good shit man, what the.

what i’ve been up to …

reading reading reading writing reading writing blah blah shit … pretty much that.
thanks to INN, i finally got off my ass and started to pursue my long-ed ambition(after behavioral economist which requires belts of PHDs) of being an author. more recently, one that writes literary novel.

i am modeling the stephen king approach and aiming for 2k words per day apparently.
it’s hard, i have been failing so thanks to numerous distractions that involves the world wide web, but i will try harder :/
taking this a training of responsibility and determination.

oh and each time i am like “FUCK IT, I CANT WRITE :(” i read on the story of christopher paolini and go “OH FUCKING YEAH I CAN DO THIS!!!1”
whenever my eloquence runs dry, i read random chapters of ulysses or anything fyodor dovovesrskyasdiagsd(or something).
has been working well so far and I hope this will continue.

i have great plans for so, and am carefully rushing my first manuscript out for my first novella(specifically).
which i plan to write at least 15k words for this 2hrs setting. good training for my descriptive writing.
in fact, i plan this to be the platform for my novels to come! like how dan brown sets all his story plots to be within a day …

PS: thanks to bolin and whoever that had been motivating me to do this shit. i had doubts at first.

5 random points to make.

ONE

thinking back on the two stories i heard tonight, i can’t be more lost.
by context, nothing contradicts between the two, but when placed in my predicament, it magically does.
somehow, someway … arghhhhhhhhzxzx … do not like 😦

TWO

it has been a crappy day but unexpectedly fun night.
boliao in one way but on another, thought triggering.
buffalo wings is not my cup of tea, chilling in the wee hours is naise and wow, i am still working in 3am in the morning.
k random sorry, next

THREE

school at 9am tomorrow, doubt that i will be going.
not because i can’t but plainly because i am goddammit awesome in finding excuses, for myself.
believe it or not, i fabricate new ones while snoozing my alarming during sporadic mornings and had never once fail to convince myself my bed needs me more than my teacher lol.
only if my persuasion works well on others as well heh …

FOUR

shameful to say, my life is more angsty that hectic at the moment.
i am starting to suck in making decision, something which i used to pride myself on.
but no more as of recently, probably due to my brain that’s drowning in blood.
i need to saw my skull open and install packets of tampons to stop my mental PMS.
i need to adopt the bo chup, non hesitant and bastardish TSH back.
i need to …

FIVE

if i enjoy doing things the wrong way, i will do so.
just so you know, i am that childish.

fuck

fucking tired fucking frustrated fucking angsty .
nothing i can do.

where LKY stayed …


best chalet i have been to.

isolated from all other chalets
4bathrooms, 5bedrooms
short flights of stairs to reach the beach
entrance guarded by stone statue
backdoor decorated by flowers
porch big enough to fill at least 7 vans
open area just for hanging clothes
backyard with a huge ass tree
and most importantly,
it’s where LKY stayed during his conflicts with UMNO.
not a PAP fan but somehow, i am honored.

elizabeth & and catapult


i know you know nothing about music …
so here’s a free lecture from the biggest music vain pot ever.

bye.